Training for a Holiday – Yeah, It's a Thing

I need a training regime before my next holiday, because I’m terrible at it! If holidaying were a competition, I would come dead last!

Let me explain.

I haven’t had a proper holiday in over a year, maybe even longer. In January this year, Joe and I booked a 12-night escape to Vietnam, a wāhi highly recommended by friends. Despite knowing full well that I’ve been running on fumes since launching my business last year whilst holding down a fulltime gig - I assumed that holidaying was like an on / off switch – I’d just know how to do it!  Yeah nah… I found it was much more difficult than that.

Let’s start at the beginning. We started our holiday in Da Nang, Central Vietnam. Joe has a couple of friends who live in Da Nang, having retired early about 3-5 years ago. It was super helpful having ‘locals’ show us around all the best spots.

The kai was superb – whether from classy restaurants or street vendors – and the prices are insanely cheap. The streets and beach hummed with people and activity from 5am onwards. We walked; jumped on the back of scooters; visited gorgeously lush coffee houses (these were a highlight for me); saw some serene tourist spots and learnt about the hītori.

Da Nang was a little too noisy for me and the heat was next level. We tried relaxing poolside a couple of afternoons, but the hotel was packed – unless you'd staked your lounger at 6am, you were out of luck. We spent a lot of time escaping the 40-degree heat in our air-conditioned room, sleeping, reading and watching Netflix. In hindsight, sleep was probably what I needed given how completely exhausted I was.

Our second wāhi was a beautiful boutique resort in Hoi An. What a contrast to Da Nang. Quaint, quiet and totally insta worthy. Having acclimated (or maybe surrendered to the heat!), we enjoyed the late-night strolls, the beautiful lantern lit streets, tailor fittings, more coffee, shopping or should I say haggling (I hated that part but Joe had studied it and was pretty good!). And again the food – just so good – the Secret Garden in Old Town Hoi An is a genuine must-visit!

Joe had to head back to Da Nang a couple of times for dental treatments, which allowed me space and time to give this holiday thing a try. On one day, I headed to the small gym for a quick workout and followed that with a 90min massage and facial at the spa. I found a lounger by the pool, ordered a couple of mimosas with my kai, and settled in with my book.

I was five minutes in when panic hit. I began to wonder if the point of holidaying is lost on me. I was struggling with the idea that days could have no plan, no tasks to complete. This was when I realised what a total loser I was. It was like I was turning up to the start line of a marathon with no training behind me. No one would be mad enough to try that, and yet here I was, trying to get my nervous system to chill the fuck out when I had been working most evenings and weekends for almost a year. 

It was then I decided to start this blog. Mostly because I needed to feel ‘my version of productive’ to calm the anxiety. But also, because it felt genuinely funny and totally cringe worthy to be struggling in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I figured others might relate.

My mind raced with all the things I had left behind waiting for me. The business, mahi, housework, our son’s school kaupapa, events coming up. I thought, if I gave myself one hour to jot down all the things top of mind, then I could just leave it there. That was actually helpful, as was some online research about nervous system de-loading.

I had been touching base with our tamariki regularly – caught between guilt for leaving them with a house to manage and then guilt for calling instead of trusting them to just get on with it. Of course, they were fine and so too was the whare – all that housework training we'd invested in was finally paying off. I know Mom-guilt is part of the package we signed up for, but realising they didn't need me hovering was its own kind of holiday too.

We moved to our final resort for the last three nights, a fancy upper end wāhi with over 20 restaurants, beach club, casino, mall, pools, spas – the works. I definitely recommend this bad boy www.hoiana.com

Joe had another dentist appointment, and it was during these pockets of solitude that I started to get it. Day 10 – my breakthrough day – included a full body stretch in the morning, securing a lounger right next to the pool, ordering my new fav salted coffee, devouring my book – the first I’ve read all year and another reccy – The Women by Kristin Hannah.  It also included a couple of cocktails and coconuts, swimming, snoozing and people watching. I managed at least 5-6 hours and was super proud of myself.

A day later (our second to last day) and the words “I think I’m ready to go home” slipped out of my mouth. Joe said I was a humbug, and he’s not lying! Our final night included dinner at our favourite restaurant, cocktails, darts, a hair wash and head massage for me, and a little flutter at the casino for Joe. Come our final morning, we were both ready and a little excited to begin our journey home.

Learning to actually enjoy holidays, new experiences and adventures is something we’re still figuring out. Vietnam is the most time we’ve spent away from our kids and home. We have a few more getaways booked – Sydney, Martinborough and Queenstown – before the year end. We’re also planning our first Christmas overseas as a whānau.

But the biggest insight? Beyond how beautiful Vietnam and its people are – I need to work on activating my parasympathetic nervous system more often so that next time, the switch ‘off’ or come down doesn’t take 10 days to achieve. Of course, I know this stuff. My life goal is to be more Yin, less Yang. Graceful, serene, intentional, wise – these are kupu I aspire to embody.

Holidays are part of the solution, but it’s the training regime before the holidays that’s the real work. The small daily and weekly commitments to rest and restoration.

Unplugging from mahi is really difficult for me – particularly because I love what I do. But I set a goal at the start of this year to decrease my fulltime mahi to 4 days a week by Matariki, and I'm happy to say I'm on track. This means dedicating a day a week to my business and hopefully less time working in the evenings and weekends. That breathing room is where the real work happens.

Spending time in te taiao – where my best thinking happens. Getting back to the yoga studio and breathwork – my sore hips miss this regular practice. I’m also looking at a manawāhine retreat. I definitely need to do more reading for leisure and less self-help podcasts. And I’m keen to enrol in further study in the near future in the mahi toi space – I literally feel the need to keep my hands occupied so they stay off the lappy!

The irony of my busy ‘how to relax list’ is not lost on me – I guess there is some hard wiring that will never change. I’m ok with that, it’s where my strengths lie too.

I’m finishing this blog at Da Nang airport – we’re waiting to board the first leg of our haerenga home. Joe is sitting close by wondering what I’m doing. I say “You can't look yet – it's not finished and I don't know how to end it.” Ha! Koira te akoranga matua!

Some things don’t need to be finished, completed, tied up with a bow… and this season and version of me, and us, definitely needs more time and space to grow, journey and explore.